GOOD OL' ADVICE

General Conference is Coming up soon!!! Get ready for some hard core life advice!!

10 Advisories for Life in General

1. Productivity = time spent on task * intensity with which you do the task

2. Believe in yourself, or no one else will.

3. Make the choice to be happy, no matter what is going on around you. Being sad does nothing, do what you can and let everything else go.

4. Remember your goals. Set them. Tackle them. Finish them. If you get discouraged, break it down into smaller goals. Finish no matter what. Do not make finishing a task, make it a habit.

5. Take care of your mind and body. Eat well. Stretch. Workout.

6. Take it one step at a time. Keep pushing.

7. You are what you consistently do.

8. Consistent small changes add up to big changes.

9. Never forget to have fun. Find the fun in anything. Remember perspective.

10. Any decision is better than no decision. Failure is better than not doing at all

12 Pieces of Southern Advice

1) Don’t order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day; so let them cook something they know.

2) Don’t laugh at southern people names. (Merleen, Bodie, Luther, Ray, Tammy Ann, Maribeth, Inez, etc.) These people have been known to whip a man for less.

3) Don’t order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a whipping. Down south its called Coke. It don’t matter whether it is Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else, it’s a Coke.

4) Don’t show allegiance to any college football team that isn’t in the SEC. (South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, LSU, Florida, etc). All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like the Ohio State Buckeyes.

5) Don’t refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner, and Twain). We are also better educated, and generally lots nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Ted Turner of Turner Broadcasting, Sam Walton of Wal-Mart). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgment (e.g., Bill Clinton, David Duke, and Hee Haw). We don’t care if you think we’re dumb because we will whip your tail.

6) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here.

7) Don’t order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you’re from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like the Lord intended and don’t put sugar on your grits.

8) Don’t fake a southern accent. This will incite a riot.

9) Don’t talk about how much better things are at home because we don’t care. If you don’t like it here, go home.

10) We don’t play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games; so don’t come down here asking the score because we don’t care.

11) We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don’t care if you don’t understand what we’re saying. Southerners understand what we’re saying, and that’s all that matters. Now, go home.

12) Last, but not least. Do not come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This will get you shot. Question it and go home in a pine box.